Plain English

This file describes the major exercise of the meeting, which was on the topic of "plain English."  We examine a technical text in detail, to understand it and to create a better version. Note: the lesson is at the level of advanced English - students should be able to analyze a sentence into its grammatical parts.  See  the class newsletter for this meeting for resources on Plain English.

Original Text

The procedure

1. reading (each person one sentence) and identifying verbs and noun phrases
2. extracting definitions and redundant text and finding a way to present them better
3. changing the words to simpler ones
4. changing phrases and sentences
5. changing the text structure, for instance making diagrams or lists

Text Analysis

We found that there were definitions mixed into the text.  It is much clearer if we stated these definitions at the beginning.

• the Inquiry - a government investigation which results in recommendations (empfehlungen)
• Roaming - the ability to make or receive calls on other networks when outside the coverage area of their own.
• Network - a service provider's cellular network
• Generations of mobile phone technology (following our discussion)
• 1G - Natel-C
• 2G - GSM technology
• 2½G - enhanced and high-speed data services
• 3G - the next generation (UMTS)
Each generation has a different network, so a provider may have a 2G network and build a 2½G network.

• sufficient spectrum (2½G or 3G) to roll out a national network
• a limited period while these new entrants rolled out their networks

Also, we could not understand why they use the term spectrum.  A new company building a 3G network has already bought an allocation of frequency spectrum.  Perhaps they buy separate areas of coverage in New Zealand.  We would have to get definitions of these two terms. A diagram would be useful.
 

Result of Text analysis	Comments	Revision, first version
17. Has the Inquiry RecommendedMandatory Roaming Across All Existing Mobile Networks?	The critical words are mandatory (=compulsory, required) and all existing (alle bestehende). These are lost - because there are too many words!	17. Does the Inquiry recommend that roaming be mandatory across all networks?
No. "Roaming" refers to the ability for mobile phone users to make or receivecalls (on other service providers' cellular networks)(when outside the coverage area (of their own service provider's network)).	This is complex because the term service provider's network is duplicated.  The critical words are other networks, own network and coverage.  Everything here, except "No", is a definition. We have to break up the sentence to see what each phrase refers to.	By network we mean a service provider's cellular network. Roaming is the ability to make or receive calls on other networks when outside the coverage area of your own.
In the near future, Telecom and Vodafonewill be offering (enhanced and high-speed data services (over mobile phones)).	This is simply background information about current events. (when) in the near future = soon (adverb phrase)	Soon, T and V will offer 2½G, enhanced and high-speed data services.
These services (known as "2½G")will be (an important stepping stone to the next generation of mobile technology ("3G"), (which will become available in about 3 years)).	This is background technical information. stepping stone = sprungbrett, milestone = meilenstein	2½G services are an important stepping stone to 3G, the next generation (UMTS), which will become available in about 3 years.
The Inquiry has recommended that Telecom and Vodafone should be requiredto offer roaming on their 2½G networks on request, but only to those new entrants that have acquired sufficient spectrum (2½G or 3G) to roll out a national network.	This is a critical statement - it summarizes the recommendation  to roll out = to start up, introduce, sufficient = enough, entrant = a company just starting in the market	The Inquiry recommends:  1. T and V must offer (what=X) when requested (by whom=Y  ) X=roaming on their 2½G networks Y=new entrants who already have enough national spectrum coverage
Roaming would only be available for a limited period while these new entrants rolled out their networks.	This is a critical limitation of the recommendation We have to ask what is the definition of the limit..	2. This roaming would only be available for a limited period, until the new entrant reaches Z% of national coverage (measured by population?)
The price for such services would be a matter for commercial negotiation.	This sentence begs you to make it plain. For such services is unnecessary. All negotiation of prices is commercial.  I guess they mean the networks decide, not the government or regulatory commission.	3. The price must be negotiated
These recommendations recognise the importance of 2½G and 3G services to the future of the mobile market and the detriment to efficient competition that would likely occur if the services were not offered.	This is background information on why the recommendation was made (detriment = disadvantage). We can make this much simpler but we have to write it differently.	2½G and 3G services are important to the future of the mobile market. Without them, competition would probably be inefficient.

Rules for plain language

Translating normal English to Plain English is not easy.  We are just beginning to learn.  In doing this exercise, we became completely familiar with the topic and could identify several points which were unclear.  These needed an exact definition - to avoid potential legal problems.  We could rewrte the text in a simpler form.

Plain English Version

How to answer complex letters - by paraphrasing

Resources on Plain Language